English IV: Untitled Satire

Posted by santosj on May 27, 2007

Note: This was originally written in 2004 for High School English IV class. So yes, there are grammar, spelling, and other problems. It is nice to see just how far I’ve came from three years ago, which honestly isn’t much. Just tells me I need to read more grammar books and actually practice from those books to speed up the improvements of my writing.

Chapter 1

There are two fractions on the fifth floor of the Mecha Corporation building: the EU and the PU. The Gods of the floor upheld the great time of peace between the two groups as the great battle came to a close a long time ago. Yes, three work days ago. The god whose music from the guitar and gentle rhythm calms the soul decreed that it was good. The goddess decreed that everyone should shut their fat mouths and it was so for a while. They people decided that it was time they stopped listening to the loud, talkative goddess as her high-pitch voice hurt their ears.

The leader of the end-users, Mr. Troll, is a great mighty troll that spits fire from his mouth. He also has a habit of eating careless mortals who partake in wrangling. Mr. Troll’s serf, Mr. An, is a human with the remarkable ability to change into a bitch and a sheep. “The Sirens” are head officers that talk with one beautiful voice until you get too close and their screech of insolence petrifies the person. “The Silents” are second in command and usually take up the duty of spying and blackmailing users. “The Silents” almost never talk so they are able to overhear conversations and pick up dirt that could be used to keep the other end-users in line.

Also on the floor is a human and cat hybrid that is very sarcastic and two intelligent Asian women who are very tidy and hard-working. Mrs. Rebe is a very affectionate redhead that talks about it but denies any relation to being a very bad girl. The rest of the end-users are without any faces and are rightfully named “Faceless Ones”.

In the power-user group, there are two members: Jacob and Stephen who are the network administrators. The rest of the power-user group was wasted during the war that took place a long time ago (still only three days). Jacob is in charge of user management and takes care of the task of creating users and keeping track of the users’ tasks. Stephen takes care of the security and plans to take over the floor for himself so he can rule unjustly. His previous attempts have failed as the other network admin would foil it by accident, somehow. They both have been assigned to take care of server integrity.

Chapter 2

The end-users and Travis from upper management on the top floor were having lunch together. They openly discussed different things with Travis and started to talk about the power-users which they admire and love. Travis told the group that he enjoyed waiting two hours before his download from the server was finished. He laughed, “I mean, it isn’t like, I wanted to work anyway!” Mr. An took a bite of grass, as he was a sheep today, and told the group with much glee about how he enjoyed not having email, “I sent Jacob an email saying the email was down! I still haven’t heard back from him but at least the email is up again so it is all good.” Mr. Troll drooled over his head-of-human soup and told of his “much pounding of humans” after he couldn’t get to a couple of sites because they were blocked. “Mr. Troll pound good but soft,” Mr. Troll said has he petted his hand and looked down teary eyed, and then pounded it, “not crush little humans like Mr. Troll should!”

“The Sirens” sang of how their home directories were changed so they had to send each other the files they needed but they said with merriment, “It wasn’t bad! It took a whole four hours before we could work again. Who needs to do work?” Mrs. Rebe spoke of the time she was whipping a client and her computer locked up, “It took all day before anyone could fix it and they erased all my files but they were only taking up disk space anyway.”

“Did you spank him? Baaa!” asked Mr. An.

“No he didn’t” said the goddess as she caused a maelstrom to pick Mr. An up and slam him against the wall.

Chapter 3

“I said, damn it, that you two better get the problem fix or we will all come down there and cuddle you to death!” threatened the cute but deadly supervisor hate bear. “And don’t f**k with me @$$hole!” Said the furry, fuzzy woozy as he walked off, “I’ll cut you Jacob!”

The problem was that traffic was inevitability becoming overloaded by the end-users swapping massive files across the network. The power-users didn’t know what to do and the upper-management was breathing down their neck. They’ll fire you; literally, they will set you on fire and push you down the stairs. They sure are strong and mean for cute, colorful, 2 feet tall bears.

Jacob and Stephen are trying to solve the problem with “The Sirens” by swapping home directories but every time they do it, the sisters end up having to send the files back to each other. So they decided to keep the home directories as it is and block them from sending the files from their home directory. Jacob had the problem of Travis downloading Office very day when he in fact had it installed already and just didn’t realize it. A memo was sent at some point and was sent back with brown and yellow stains, then was discarded.

Not to mention the problem with the computer and monitor that was soaked and had to be completely replaced. Jacob is contemplating blocking Mr. Troll’s web access as he wishes to look at dirty things, mostly garbage but dirty things nevertheless. Jacob and Stephen are seriously thinking about how management is going to ‘play’ with them before they fire them if they can’t get the rest of the floor’s problems solved: adding new users, replacing obsolete hardware, and upgrading the servers.

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