Failure! What is the Point?

Posted by Jacob Santos on April 27, 2009

I think part of my depression stems from the historical evidence that every project I’ve worked on by myself has failed. You could say I can see the future. In the future, I’m no better off than I am now.

I guess I have two hands. On one hand, I want to learn more about development, writing unit tests, using Yii Framework, writing inline documentation, and develop a project that is actually completed (well, I’ve done that, but one that continued working after it was completed). On the other, I’ll rather not invest two to four hours of my day, every day for the next three months developing a project that will ultimately fail.

The point is that I am not motivated enough to do something for myself. I actually want people to use my stuff that I develop. However, that path is tedious and extremely long one to walk. Heh. I remember a developer that spent 2 years working solo, about 4 hours a week and didn’t have much to show for it. Well, the feature set was somewhat impressive, but at the time I could have done something like that in four months.

Hell, by my current standards, my ability could far exceed that site, as well as my former sites. I guess I want to attempt a project that implemented all of my previous ideas. The ones I couldn’t implement before, but can now. Sad, I guess, before I had the motivation, but lacked the ability, but now, I have the ability, but lack the motivation. I wonder when at which point it stopped being about the fun, the joy of developing and more about, how I can make some money off of the project.

I am warming up to the idea of developing several projects. I’m thinking I should start with the Farmer sim, because I’m very interested in using JavaScript on that project. I can also spend three to four months on that projects and not feel like I wasted the entire time as well.

More of less, after I leave a project, I need time to recover my thoughts, sanity, and motivation to continue moving on. It is always depressing, because I feel I leave a part of myself on every project I leave incomplete. I guess I still desire completing the project and it takes its toll, because I can’t.

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